an Enneagram podcast where we explore how your personality shows up in all of life. I'm your host, Tyler Zach, and in each episode I connect you with leading experts on how your personality impacts your relationships, mental health, spirituality, and everything in between. In today's episode, I'm joined by Hollywood actress Greer Grammer. You may know her from MTV's Awkward, ABC's The Middle, or as the daughter of actor Kelsey Grammer. I sat down with Greer to talk about what it's like to navigate the entertainment industry as an Enneagram 9 — handling rejection, responding to online criticism, faith, mental health, and how the Enneagram has helped her better understand herself, her relationships, and her calling as an actress. This is a must-listen if you're an Enneagram 9, an Enneagram coach, or in relationship with someone who is a nine. Greer is on multiple social media channels, but the best place to follow her is on Instagram at @greer_grammer — that's Grammer with an ER, not an AR. Now, without further ado, here's Greer Grammer.

Tyler Zach (02:29)

I am so excited to dive into your story and get a behind-the-scenes glimpse into Hollywood through your eyes. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Greer Grammer (02:38)

I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me — I cannot wait.

Tyler Zach (02:46)

This whole connection started because you commented on something I'd posted on Instagram, and I looked you up and thought, "I know her from The Middle!" So this is a really fun way to meet. How did you first learn about the Enneagram, and what led you to identify as a type nine?

Greer Grammer (03:10)

It was actually my friend Warren who goes to church with me. He's in a men's group in LA — just called LA Men's Group — and I'm in the sister group, which is called She Gathers. We were at a Christmas party in 2018, and somebody mentioned the Enneagram. I was kind of like — it sounds confusing. I've never been one for Myers-Briggs or other personality frameworks. They feel constricting to me. Someone said, "No, I think you'd really like the Enneagram." And then a year later I was talking with Warren again. He's an eight, so he was like, "No, you have to take it. I need to know what you are, you need to know what you are, it's great for self-growth." And I was like, fine. He sent me a test, I took it, and came back unanimously as a nine. There wasn't even a close second. Maybe a two? But no — you're a nine. I started reading about it and I was just like: oh my gosh. That is me.

Wow, I do care about what other people want more than myself. I always put others' needs above my own — I've always thought of that as a really good thing, but I'm learning in therapy that it's not always the healthiest approach. Your needs matter too. Warren sent me a nine meme account the minute he found out my type, and there was one about not wanting to return food even if you find hair in it. And I was like — yes. That's me. I've found hair in my food and been like: I'm not going to say anything. It would ruin their day. And if I don't like something I ordered, I'll just drink the whole thing because I ordered it, so that's on me. So that was the first moment of recognition. And then the more I learned about it, the more I just loved being a nine. It's my favorite thing about myself right now.

Tyler Zach (05:42)

Most people, when they learn their type, ask: what type would you be if you weren't your type? And almost everybody says nine. Nines are the sweethearts of the Enneagram. The joke is: if you can't get along with a nine, it's not their fault — it's yours. So genuinely, how has being a nine helped you navigate your daily life and relationships?

Greer Grammer (07:14)

Knowing other people's numbers feels like a cheat sheet in the best way. Like, you're a seven? Okay — I know what we're going to do. I love sevens because they bring out the most fun side of me. I know who you're going to be to me. So it just helps me understand people's core wants and beliefs and systems.

As a nine specifically, I think it's helped me see that I hate conflict — but I'm actually really good at mediating it for other people. This past February, two of my friends who are both fours were going at each other. Both of them kind of yelling because they didn't feel heard. And I was able to step in and say: "Hey, what she's saying is actually this. You're coming from a completely different place and missing the mark." They kind of laughed, because it was such a nine thing to do. Nines really do have a little bit of every number in them. We can see all sides. I can't help being the person who says "well, to be fair, there's also this other perspective" — and I know it sometimes frustrates people, but I genuinely cannot help seeing multiple sides of every situation. It's a superpower.

It also helps enormously in my work. I can get a script for a villain and think: what are all the facets to this person? How did they get here? Why are they this way? That ability to hold multiple perspectives — it works in auditions, in booked roles, in real life. I love it.

Tyler Zach (09:53)

That ability to put yourself in the shoes of other characters is genuinely useful for an actor. And I love how you mediated those two fours — there are probably a lot of threes and fours in Hollywood, so you're surrounded by drama all the time.

Greer Grammer (10:15)

Totally — surrounded by threes, fours, and sevens. I love my four friends, I think fours are amazing — such deep feelers and such deep thinkers, so authentically themselves. I'm in awe of it. Because I shape-shift a little like a three — I want to be whoever I need to be in this friend group or this environment. And nines can sort of do that naturally, which is why we get along with everybody. But fours being so deeply authentic to themselves? Amazing. And also occasionally terrifying. I dated a four once and quickly realized: that's not going to work.

Tyler Zach (11:52)

Fours, sixes, and eights share a conflict style where when there's a problem, they get louder to communicate: "This is a problem, are you with me?" Whereas sevens, nines, and twos — the positive-outlook group — when conflict happens, their first instinct is to say "let's all get along, let's stay positive." So when two fours are fighting, you can be incredibly helpful because you can mediate. And your four friends can help you in return — when you're struggling, they can say: "No, Greer, this is a problem. You need to say something. You need to advocate for yourself."

Greer Grammer (12:50)

I'm laughing because one of those friends literally texted me today with about ten exclamation points saying "you need to say something." And I was like: no. I'm going to sit in the weirdness. I'm not bringing anything up ever.

Tyler Zach (13:04)

One of the core desires of a nine is to feel seen and heard — and yet nines often feel overlooked or invisible. You're someone who's made it to the big screen, who is a nine who might have felt invisible, but is now very visible to a lot of people. Has that solved the problem? Or do you still feel invisible at times?

Greer Grammer (13:45)

It's a mix of everything. It definitely helps with feeling seen — having someone recognize you or say they loved your work is so nice. But it's also really confusing. Part of why I love acting is that there's always a buffer. My musician friends say they can't do what I do — because when they're on stage singing their own songs and someone doesn't like it, that means they don't like them. Whereas if I go into an audition and don't get a part, I can come up with a million reasons that have nothing to do with me as a person. The girl they hired is a brunette. They wanted a different accent. I just wasn't feeling her that day. It's a way of being seen — but not as Greer. So there's still this thing of: I want to be seen, but I also want to hide and stay safe in my little corner.

And even within entertainment, you can feel overlooked. If I don't get a part and I'm like, I know I would have done a really good job — why didn't it go to me? That's where my faith comes in. What's for me won't miss me. God has a plan. But yeah — it's this weird dichotomy of deeply yearning to be authentically seen, while being in a job that lets you be seen through a safe shell. You can walk a red carpet and feel celebrated, while thinking: but no one really knows me.

Tyler Zach (16:11)

You're answering my question perfectly. And I know there are nines watching who wonder: if I just had Greer's opportunities, that would solve everything. But it really isn't easy — you might feel invisible or overlooked for the next decade even with breaks, because getting roles consistently is genuinely hard. It's not as simple as it looks from the outside.

Greer Grammer (17:09)

Yes. And people think it's easy — especially given my last name and the whole nepo baby conversation, which I understand. But even as a nepo baby, I'm like: there are a million others getting more parts or doing bigger things. And then I'll get a ton of hate online and I'm just like — I didn't do anything. I'm just this person's kid and I love to act. So it's this weird loop of feeling seen and not, of why is that happening for that person and not for me. It really is a hard industry.

Tyler Zach (17:52)

Let's talk about the hate for a moment. As a nine who wants to be liked by everyone — the good girl or good guy — suddenly being a public figure means there's not just a small target on your back but a big one. How have you navigated receiving that kind of criticism, and how have you tried to protect your mental health?

Greer Grammer (18:54)

On Instagram, I've cultivated a really special community. I've been the same person on there since I was twenty. I went to USC while filming Awkward, living a very normal life — sleeping in my sorority house bunk, hanging out with friends — which I think really shaped how I showed up online. My followers know exactly who I am. So Instagram has always felt nicer. The people there are following me because they want to see my content.

TikTok is different. Your video isn't just for your followers — it can go to anybody. And if one person wants to say something mean and it gets pushed, it can spiral instantly. I've always dealt with the occasional negative comment, but about a year ago something specific happened. I posted a video with my dad about us getting closer — we've had a lot of separation in our relationship over the years, and we're in a really good spot now, and I was proud of it. One person made a reaction video saying nepo babies shouldn't be posting things like that. It blew up. Got something like a million views. Then people flooded my video saying awful things — that I shouldn't have been born, that nepo babies shouldn't exist. And I was just trying to share something genuinely good in my life.

I ended up archiving the video, but people started going to my other videos too. So I deactivated TikTok for a while, because I realized: our tiny human brains are not designed to process that much hate in the span of five minutes. I've dealt with one or two mean comments before. But when it's 500 new messages every two minutes telling you you're awful — that's different. And as a nine who wants everything to be fair and peaceful, I made the mistake of trying to argue, trying to explain myself. There was no winning. Eventually I just had to step away. I know my heart. I know who I am.

And the thing is — it also made me sad for the people doing it. I could see that they were getting some kind of release from it. People who are hurting sometimes reach for that kind of power or control, and leaving a mean comment gives them something. That makes me sad. Everybody's really hurting right now.

Tyler Zach (27:52)

And it's a good reminder that not all those comments are of equal value. One of them might be someone posting from their parents' basement — but nines especially can have a hard time filtering that out. We tend to give equal weight to every voice, when some voices genuinely don't deserve our time or attention.

Greer Grammer (28:25)

Yeah. And even beyond mean comments — as an artist, as an actor, every project I take on I give my all to. I'm genuinely passionate about it. So a mean review stings too. I'm like: what do you mean you didn't like it? It was good. It's just part of life, and it sucks, but it is what it is.

But actually — the nine perspective helps with friends in this business too. Some of my friends take rejections really personally. They feel like they're broken or not enough. And I'm able to help them see all the different reasons it might not have gone their way. That's a real gift. I just wish I was better at applying it to myself.

Tyler Zach (29:57)

How have you survived the competitive world of Hollywood? It's very cutthroat — walking into a room full of people auditioning for the same part, knowing only one of you will get it. How do you navigate that as a nine who just wants everyone to get along?

Greer Grammer (30:22)

Honestly, the only answer I have is my faith. I don't know how anyone survives this business without something to hold onto. For me it's Jesus — but I see people without any kind of spiritual anchor and I genuinely don't understand how they do it. I think it would kill me.

What gets me through is knowing that every part is going to go to the right person because God's going to make sure of that. The parts that are meant for me will find me. And even when I love a role and really want it and don't get it — that still hurts. I go through all the feelings of self-doubt that any normal person would. But I know I have God to talk to about it, to cry to about it, to ask why. And then I trust that if I didn't get that part, he has something better for me. Even if "something better" isn't another part. Even if it's a year without work and there's something I'm supposed to learn in that — which is hard, but that's the hard part about trust and faith. His will is bigger than mine and better than mine, and we're just along for the ride.

And then the Bible teaches to love everyone, cheer on everyone. So when I see someone get the part that I really wanted and it becomes a huge movie, I have to find that place of genuinely thinking: that was meant for that person. God has us all on different paths and is working it all out for our good.

Tyler Zach (33:01)

Healthy nines have this incredible capacity to surrender — not to be passive or check out, but to genuinely release control and trust something bigger. When an unhealthy nine can be passive-aggressive and controlling, a healthy nine shows the rest of us how to stop white-knuckling outcomes and actually let go. I think your faith does that for you naturally.

Greer Grammer (34:28)

Yes — but you have to be healthy first. In my unhealthy moments, I am such a control freak. I'm frantically trying to figure everything out, and then I get frustrated and angry, and then I hate feeling angry and I hate feeling out of control, so I shut down and numb out. I go on TikTok and scroll or I watch a movie or I just sit there with all this unrest in my body and refuse to deal with it. That's a very nine thing to do — and not the good kind.

Tyler Zach (35:03)

Nines carry so much anger beneath the surface. The image I use is the Trojan Horse — you see this nice, peaceful-looking nine from the outside, but inside there's all this anger that's been building up. If it's not dealt with, it will ambush someone. It's not always obvious because nines don't express it the way eights or fours do.

Greer Grammer (35:42)

We can be scary. We have so much anger. And it's really hard to learn how to get hold of it and use it for good. I'm still working on that. When it comes out, it feels insane — like I feel insane. I'm like, what is happening to me right now? And everyone around me is going, what's going on? Because I'm just so angry.

Tyler Zach (36:17)

Amy Grant — she's a nine, very sweet — said she'll walk into a closet and scream at the top of her lungs. That image really helped me understand: yes, nines have this anger that needs somewhere to go.

Greer Grammer (36:40)

I've had to scream into my pillow a lot. Pillow to the face — that's usually where I go.

Tyler Zach (36:52)

Which is why if you have a nine in your life, don't assume they're just happy all the time. Engage them. Ask: what are you angry about? Where do you feel overlooked? Where do you feel like just a cog in the machine? Give them permission and space to talk about it. I tell nines to keep an anger journal. And friends of nines — actually ask.

Greer Grammer (37:07)

That's exactly it. Because I can be really struggling internally — sad, depressed, feeling like nothing's going right — and then someone will ask how I'm doing and I'll say, "I'm great, everything's good!" And I actually do feel that way in the moment, because being with people genuinely shifts me. But the friends who really ask — who create a space that feels genuinely safe — those are the ones I can actually be honest with. If I don't feel safe, I'll still say everything's fine even when it isn't.

Tyler Zach (38:04)

Before we close — I want to come back to what you said about faith. Eights tend to be celebrated for their resilience — they take blows and get back up the next morning. But I think nines have their own kind of resilience that doesn't always get named: that deep sense of "it's going to be okay," that positivity and peace. In Hollywood especially, that quality probably carries you through seasons where most people would completely fall apart. It lets you say: there's going to be another opportunity, I can do this, I can make it. That's a real strength.

Greer Grammer (38:42)

Totally. I'd never thought about it that way, but yes — that's exactly it.

Tyler Zach (38:59)

We're almost at time. Is there anything burning within you that you want to share — anything about Hollywood, your personal life, your experience as a nine that you'd want people to know?

Greer Grammer (39:14)

I could talk to you for two hours — I love talking about the Enneagram, and I love your knowledge of it. But let me say something about what being a nine is like on a film set, because I think it's where the type really shines.

My whole phrase on set is: how do we make the best story we can make together? How do we all bring our different strengths and make this a really good movie? So if there's a problem, it's never you versus me — it's you and me together figuring out the best solution. How can we tell the best story? What do you need? I love being a nine on a film set because I genuinely want to hear from everybody. People sometimes get a little annoyed because I'm too easy — I don't have strong preferences about hair and makeup, I want to honor their vision of what the character looks like. With directors: give me the direction. I can play this ten different ways. Tell me which way you want to go and I'll do that. I want to honor the story.

And just keeping set a positive, pleasant place to work — these are long days. You're in makeup at five, you're shooting until six, people are pulling at you constantly. If everyone can just get along and do the job with genuine respect for each other, it makes such a difference. I used to be friends with the craft services guy — we'd go out with a group of people that included editors, other crew members. Someone once said: "Why do you hang out with him?" And I genuinely didn't understand the question. He's a person on this set, and he's fun and young and nice — what do you mean? There are actors who think they're the most important people because they're the face of the project. And listen, the face is important — I have my own moments of saying "I don't approve that photo and we need to find another one." But every person plays a part. There are no small parts on a film set. And Hollywood could use more nines who know that.

Tyler Zach (44:10)

You're probably a director's dream — so adaptable, so genuinely interested in collaboration. And that quality of valuing the underdog, the people who might be on the outside of the cool circles, valuing all perspectives — that has to be a breath of fresh air. Thank you so much, Greer. This was so fun. I love getting to meet you, and I know everyone watching feels the same.

Greer Grammer (44:25)

Thank you so much for having me. I could talk to you for hours. This was the best — truly.